Walk in Paradise

This week marks three years since my dad was called home to be with the Lord.

The bright spot in the middle of the week is that my nephew, my parents' first grandchild, was baptized two years ago today.

But I still miss my dad.

A few nights ago I was singing to one of my twin girls while she tried valiantly to fall asleep in my arms. Out of the blue, I started singing a Hawaiian hymn that my father used to sing to us when we were young. When I forgot the words, I simply hummed the beautiful melody, hoping my baby would find it as soothing as I did so many years ago. Inside, I was saddened to realize that I had forgotten many of the words.

The next day, as I was going through a box of my father's things, I came across a copy of the Hawaiian lyrics that he had prepared for me. What are the odds? The Lord is merciful, even in the smallest matters.

Rather than relay the written lyrics, I found this video on YouTube, where you can also read a short explanation of the song. I only remember my dad singing the second verse in English, which began, "Let me walk in Paradise with you, Lord."

And now he is walking in Paradise. His prayer has been answered.

They Just Don't Make 'em Like They Used To

Chico and Harpo. Delightful.

Un-Annoying Things

(Just to show that I am actually capable of enjoying the little things in life...)

1. The morning sun peeking through my front window blinds.

2. A freshly mopped kitchen floor.

3. Baby toots.

4. Snuggling with my husband at the end of a long day.

5. My tv-less living room.

6. Planning do-it-yourself updates to our home.

7. Interesting conversations over tasty dinners.

8. Watching my 6-month-old twins hold hands (or arm wrestle, depending on your perspective) on the living room floor.

9. Fresh flowers on the kitchen table.

10. Singing a mix of good hymns, lullabies, and silly songs to sleepy babies.

Annoying Things

In no particular order:

1. Slow cart pushers in Wal-Mart.

2. Forgetting whether or not I put on deodorant.

3. Conversational narcissists.

4. The way my laundry is always one step ahead of me.

5. People who think they know best how to bring up my children.

6. The automated greetings at the McDonald's drive-thru.

7. Humidity.

8. Food that sits uneaten in the cupboard for months.

9. People who think they know best how to bring up my children. (Did I already mention that one?)

10. Drama queens.

Father's Day

This Father's Day afternoon was spent going through quite a few things that belonged to my late father. Some of that stuff has been sitting in our basement for 2 1/2 years. My husband did not force me to face all those memories before I was ready. I needed time and healing to be able to endure such a task. I was amazed that I could get rid of so much. Almost everything, in fact.

Oh sure, there are some things I won't be giving up, like the cross he wore that was made out of 5 nails to symbolize the 5 wounds of Christ on the cross; or dozens of sermon tapes that I hope to digitize and share with my family; or his library books (many of them, anyway); or the guitar he played when singing us to sleep; or his favorite pair of cowboy boots. Yes, I wanted to keep the cowboy boots. Surely anyone who knew him can understand that.

With the passage of time, the memory of my father is still vivid, and letting "things" go, I now realize, does not threaten those memories. If anything, the burden of mere "stuff" clouds the legacy of the man who is no longer here to use it, but is rather enjoying the treasures he stored up in Heaven. I miss my earthly father every day, but he is in the presence of my Heavenly Father.

And with a hope like that, I have much to be thankful for this Father's Day.

Invisible Fruit

Is it appropriate to ask someone how their faith is doing? Or to ask someone how someone else's faith is doing? I'm not even sure how to answer when I am asked these questions; "Well, on a scale of 1 to 10 I'd put young Sally at about a 2 1/2, while Fred over there is a solid 7."

I'm not sure if I really get it. I was brought up to believe that only God can see a man's heart, so we must go by what a he confesses. After all, no one can say, "Jesus is Lord," except by the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 12:3b). Faith is to bear fruit. I think fruit includes confession. We discern from what is spoken (see Matt. 15:18-19) or confessed, and what is done (see James 2). If a person claims to be a Christian but insists on speaking and living in a way that brings shame to himself and the Church, aren't we right to question the state of that person's faith? After all, how could church discipline be practiced if such judgements could not be made?

And yet it can be a very dangerous thing to judge another sinner with our imperfect judgement (see Matt. 7:1-5). Keep in mind that one does not go from being a babe to a mighty warrior in the Faith overnight. And even mighty warriors are capable of terrible sins.

But look at it from the flip side; haven't we all known Christians whom we admired for their bold and steadfast faith? What was it that triggered that admiration? Perhaps it was something they said or how they behaved (i.e., their works) during a particular situation or trial. Or perhaps their faith became apparent to you over time as you witnessed how they lived their lives in humble service to Christ and His Church. However it happened, I'm quite certain you didn't just sense a vibe. Their faith was shown to you in some way.

I don't think that asking someone how their faith or the faith of someone close to them is will be a part of my regular conversation starters any time soon. But encountering people who do make such queries has made me consider the role of works in the Christian life. Deep down, I do expect more from someone who calls himself a Christian. It has no bearing on their justification; that's not the issue here. But if one can't, or even shouldn't, take note of the works in a Christian's life, then we might as well grow trees that bear invisible fruit (cf. Matt. 7:15-20).

Answered Prayer

I've been out of the hospital for nearly 2 full months now. That's almost as long as I was in the hospital. I have come a long way physically, but I still have a long way to go. Few, if any, can comprehend the ordeal my husband and I have been through. There were times when we despaired for our children's lives. We even discussed what we planned to do in case the worst happened...

But the worst didn't happen. The Lord has been merciful to us.

So often we turned to the Psalms for comfort. Early on I hoped and prayed that I could celebrate with the Psalmist in what my Bible calls "Praise for Answered Prayer":

I love the LORD, because He has heard
My voice and my supplications.
Because He has inclined His ear to me,
Therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live.
The pains of death surrounded me,
And the pangs of Sheol laid hold of me;
I found trouble and sorrow.
Then I called upon the name of the LORD:
"O LORD, I implore You, deliver my soul!"

Gracious is the LORD, and righteous;
Yes, our God is merciful.
The LORD preserves the simple;
I was brought low, and He saved me.
Return to your rest, O my soul,
For the LORD has dealt bountifully with you.

For You have delivered my soul from death,
My eyes from tears,
And my feet from falling.
I will walk before the LORD
In the land of the living.
I believed, therefore I spoke,
"I am greatly afflicted."
I said in my haste,
"All men are liars."

What shall I render to the LORD
For all His benefits toward me?
I will take up the cup of salvation,
And call upon the name of the LORD.
I will pay my vows to the LORD
Now in the presence of all His people.

Precious in the sight of the LORD
Is the death of His saints.

O LORD, truly I am Your servant;
I am Your servant, the son of Your maidservant;
You have loosed my bonds.
I will offer to You the sacrifice of thanksgiving,
And will call upon the name of the LORD.

I will pay my vows to the LORD
Now in the presence of all His people.
In the courts of the LORD's house,
In the midst of you, O Jerusalem.

Praise the LORD!

--Psalm 116

Psalm 130

Out of the depths I have cried to You, O LORD.

Lord, hear my voice!

Let Your ears be attentive

To the voice of my supplications.

If You, LORD, should mark iniquities,

O Lord, who could stand?

But there is forgiveness with You,

That You may be feared.

I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait,

And in His word do I hope.

My soul waits for the Lord

More than the watchmen for the morning;

Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning.

O Israel, hope in the LORD;

For with the LORD there is lovingkindness,

And with Him is abundant redemption.

And He will redeem Israel

From all his iniquities.

Glory be to the Father,

and to the Son,

and to the Holy Spirit,

as it was in the beginning,

is now, and will be forever,

world without end.

Amen.

As I Wrestle

I love a sermon that sounds like it was written just for me.

Who Needs Nouns, Anyway?

One thing about having to quit my job to be on bedrest is that I am free to read whatever I want. No more scrambling to stay a day or two ahead of my students. I can read, or not read, or half-heartedly read, completely according to my fancy. When you have to lie down all day and are only allowed on your feet for bathroom breaks, I think you're forced to appreciate some of these small benefits.

Right now I'm reading through That Hideous Strength, the 3rd part of C.S. Lewis' science fiction trilogy. Rather than write a book report on it, I thought I'd share a little snippet which, although entirely unrelated to the plot itself, I found quite amusing:

"The cardinal difficulty," said Macphee, "in collaboration
between the sexes is that women speak a language without nouns. If two men are
doing a bit of work, one will say to the other, 'Put this bowl inside the bigger
bowl which you'll find on the top shelf of the green cupboard.' The female for
this is, 'Put that in the other one in there.' And then if you ask them, 'in
where?' they say, 'in there, of course.' There is consequently a phatic
hiatus." He pronounced this so as to rhyme with "get at
us."

"There's your tea now," said Ivy Maggs, "and I'll go and get
you a piece of cake, which is more than you deserve. And when you've had it you
can go upstairs and talk about nouns for the rest of the evening."

"Not about nouns: by means of nouns, "said MacPhee, but Mrs. Maggs had already left the room.

Lewis is awesome.

Not In Our Hands

We made it to the specialist on Monday. Overall, I'd say it went well, but certainly not as well as we'd like. My cervix is very short and beginning to open, and there are almost no options for us to do anything about it. There is a high risk for preterm labor, though not nearly as high as we'd feared (possibly in the 30% range). It's particularly scary right now since we have not reached the threshold of viability for the babies.

On the brighter side, the specialist says is is still possible that I can carry the pregnancy to term. He offered us an "experimental" hormone treatment that has shown some promise in reducing the risk of preterm birth, but is not yet approved by the FDA (...not that we think much of the federal government, anyway). There is no risk to the babies, so we decided to go ahead and try it. Beyond that, I try to rest as much as possible, and we pray constantly.

So that's where we are.

By the way...we have been calling the girls Lillian and Pearl. I think the names will probably stick. :)

Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear Him,

on those who hope in His steadfast love,

that He may deliver their soul from death

and keep them alive in famine.

Our soul waits for the LORD;

He is our help and our shield.

For our heart is glad in Him,

because we trust in His holy name.

Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us,

even as we hope in you.

--Ps. 33:18-22

A Double Portion!

After nearly 5 years of marriage, the Lord has blessed us with twin girls, due March 2nd.

Aren't they beautiful?

Unfortunately, complications have developed, and now I'm on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy. We are seeing a maternal-fetal medicine specialist on Monday.

May God be merciful to us and our children for the sake of His Son, Jesus.

Punchline of the Day

The school where I work has a small 7th grade class of 6 very energetic boys. They can be a lot of fun, but they can drive me crazy.

During study hall a few days ago, one of the boys mentioned that someone was kicked off of an airplane because he was too fat. Another student asked, quite seriously, "Did they at least give him a parachute?"

Out of the mouths of preteens, right?

Moms Say the Darndest Things

Me: We just got Fargo in the mail from Netflix.

Mom: Fargo...isn't that about a stagecoach?

Brody: I think it's a movie about Alaska.

Me: Really? I thought it was set in North Dakota.

Mom: Oh, North Dakota? But isn't it about a stagecoach travelling across country? Oh wait...that's called Stagecoach...

(We still don't know what the movie is about.)

On this, his birthday...

My dad would have been 56 today.

If things had turned out differently, we might have had a party. My mom might have cooked his favorite: prime rib. I might have unearthed my old (and very limited) cake decorating supplies to bake him a chocolate cake with chocolate icing to eat with chocolate ice cream topped with chocolate fudge. The family might have chipped in to buy him a special gift. I might have been sitting at my usual spot at the kitchen table next to him while we talked theology until well after midnight.

But things didn't turn out differently. Instead, I am having a glass of his favorite scotch (Balvenie) in honor of his memory. It was actually his bottle, come to think of it. Thanks, Dad.

In those turbulent high school years I saw my dad as my rock, my steady anchor and support in that raging sea of stereotypical teenage angst. I could tell him anything, ask him anything, and he would drop what he was doing to be what a father should be. Now he is gone, and try as I might, sometimes I can't help but feel alone. It doesn't make sense. I have a wonderful husband, a caring family, and supportive Christian friends. But that connection - that deep understanding I shared with my dad and no one else - that is gone.

A friend and mentor explained to me recently that the Lord sometimes takes our idols away from us. Perhaps that is what God has done here for me. Now my dad is with Jesus, and my heart and mind are more frequently drawn to Him than they ever were.

That is, I believe, what my dad would want. The cross was his life. He constantly pointed others to Christ. In his death, I am reminded that the Gospel gives life. My dad is forgiven, and so am I. When the Lord calls me home, what a happy reunion it will be.

Here's to you, Dad.

Made in China

I ordered a number keypad from eBay last week to make it easier to catalog my personal library with my laptop on LibraryThing.com (a totally awesome site - so worth the 25 bucks!). I was so tickled by the English description. Raise your hand if you think a native speaker wrote this...

"The KEYPAD portabie 18/19 - key numerical

keypad brings the Notebook working

environment to the next level.

To fit to maximum portabilty,hence it's

designed to be slim, lightweight, flexibie.

USB cabie"

Too funny.

Auntie Time

Guess what I did during last week's snow days...

How could anyone not fall for this handsome little guy?

It was a good break.

Snow Day!!

I started Christmas break with all kinds of lofty ambitions to get my grading finished early and to work ahead for the semester.

Ummm...yeah, right.

So, naturally (as some could attest to), I was up until midnight scrambling to get things together for the first day of 2nd semester. Even though it had been snowing all day, there was no news on whether school would be cancelled. How frustrating.

But after stumbling out of bed well before sunrise, the good news came: NO SCHOOL! It's funny how a snow day is as exciting for the teachers as it is for the students.

Now my schoolwork is [sufficiently] complete, dishes are done, house is in decent shape, and it's barely 8 o'clock.

It's going to be a good day.

Proper Distinctions

Is sanctification Law or Gospel? This has been a topic of discussion in the Smith household for a few days now...

Four years ago today.